


The Ashes of Victory

by Savageseraph



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Anxiety, Betrayal, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 20:20:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3087812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Savageseraph/pseuds/Savageseraph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders betrayed you, Hawke.  He betrayed all of us.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ashes of Victory

“Bodhan and Sandal are leaving with Varric’s people. And Varric will have staff at the manor, keeping out, well, everyone. Especially my uncle. Though if you’re able to spare a guard to look in on it from time to time, I’d appreciate it. Just knowing there’s a presence here will discourage most who’d be happy to pick things over. But I understand if you can’t.”

Hawke realized she was babbling as she turned out drawers, grabbing some shirts from one, a scarf from another.

“Hawke.” Aveline stood still as the rock she had been for all Hawke’s years in Kirkwall, arms folded across her chest.

“Carver’s having some of the Wardens take a look ‘round when they’re in town too. I can’t…” Hawke shook her head as she picked up a line of small family portraits, stacked them, and put them into the flat wooden box her mother carried them in to keep them safe when they fled Ferelden. “Mother would expect us to keep the estate from falling back into disrepair.”

“Hawke, stop.”

Hawke rubbed at her eyes. There wasn’t much time. Cullen would be working to bring order to the city as best he could, and she needed to be gone before he did. “I’m forgetting things. I can’t afford to forget anything.”

“ _Hawke_.” Aveline grabbed Hawke’s shoulders, gave her a gentle shake. “Stop.”

For the first time since she’d killed the First Enchanter and the Knight-Commander, Hawke was still, held by Aveline’s grip and her gaze. How many mages had she killed today? How many Templars? How much of the blood Anders spilled in the Chantry was also on her hands?

“Oh, Aveline…” Hawke felt her lips trembling, and when her friend’s arms curled around her to pull her close, she leaned into Aveline’s strength. Her body shook, fighting to hold back sobs. She didn’t have time for tears. For weakness.

“You need food and a healer and rest.”

Pushing away from Aveline took every last scrap of strength. Hawke looked away from her friend before the concern in Aveline’s eyes made her crumble. “There’s no time. I have to go.”

“No, you don’t.” Aveline rested a hand casually on the hilt of her sword. “Kirkwall is your home now. It’s _our_ home. You’ve seen it through the Arishok and blood mages, and you can see it through this. You’re Kirkwall’s Champion.”

Hawke stared at her reflection, its eyes haunted and hollow, in the mirror. “I was.”

Aveline stepped into view behind her; their gazes met in the glass. “I can see to it he’s taken alive and that no harm comes to him while he’s in my custody. I swear it.”

Hawke whirled on her friend. “You want me to betray Anders.” The surge of anger she felt might not have been as strong and sharp if she hadn’t considered she could still give her lover the death he asked for earlier.

“Hawke, what he did…”

“I know what he did, Aveline.” Hawke closed her eyes. The Chantry in ruins. The Grand Cleric and all the faithful—all the _innocents_ \--who’d been inside dead. “I was there.” Hawke suspected a part of her was still there, cracked and shattered in the smoking rubble of the cathedral.

“Then you can’t mean to leave with him. He betrayed you, Hawke.” Her eyes narrowed. “He betrayed all of us.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Hawke’s voice shook with grief and rage.

_You should find someone else, love. You don't want all the ugliness I'm going to bring into your life._ She couldn’t even say Anders hadn’t warned her. He had. Over and over again. _I told you I would break your heart._ He told her, and she didn’t believe him.

Hawke closed her eyes. _Oh, love, you broke so much more than my heart today._ And that sentence, so simple and so impossibly tangled, was the problem.

“I love him, Aveline. Maker help me, I still love him.” Hawke held up a hand to stop her friend from interrupting. “Today, when he asked me to kill him— _expected_ me to kill him—I wanted to, but when my hand tightened around the dagger, I thought, ‘I’ll never fall asleep to sound of his breathing ever again. I’ll never wake to his warmth, never hear his laughter, never feel his magic prickle against my skin’.”

“Hawke….”

“I couldn’t.” Hawke shook her head. She didn’t bother to wipe at the tears that flowed freely. “I’ve lost too many people I loved, Aveline. I couldn’t lose another. It would break me worse than this day already has.”

Aveline rubbed at her jaw. She stared at the wall as if she expected hurlocks to explode out of it, and Hawke felt a chill settle in the pit of her stomach. Aveline was her friend, her dearest friend, but she was also Captain of the Guard. She didn’t need Hawke’s permission to go after Anders.

When she spoke, Aveline didn’t turn to face Hawke. “You love him, but can you forgive him?”

_Could_ she forgive Anders? Could she trust him ever again? Hawke wished she had an answer for Aveline. For herself. “Can you forgive me?” When Aveline flinched at the question, Hawke wished she had the power to take it back.

“Everything I have here: my positon, my husband, my life, I owe it to you.” Aveline rested her hands on Hawke’s shoulders. She smiled sadly. “You’ve been a sister to me, and I will miss you. More than you know.”

Hawke’s eyes widened. She caught Aveline in a tight embrace. Every day she thanked the Maker for the companions he’d brought into her life, but none more than Aveline and Varric. “Thank you.”

“The guard is going to be busy helping Cullen restore order. That should give you a little more time.” She crossed the room, pausing in the doorway without looking back. “I’m not going to say good-bye. We’ll see each other again.”

_I hope so._ Hawke bit her lip. She knew the danger of believing a thing just because she wanted it to be so. “We will.”

Aveline turned toward Hawke and smiled. “Take care of yourself, Hawke.”

“You too.” Hawke grinned. “Try to stay out of trouble while I’m away, hmm?”

“Stay out of trouble, she says.” Aveline shook her head as she left the room, muttering about which of them was more likely to find trouble.

A little time didn’t mean she could afford to dally. Hawke sighed as she continued packing and tried not to think about how much this day had cost her.


End file.
